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Disconnected
May 4th, 2008 by dimapakali
Warning: The following are just rumblings of a disoriented person. Read at your own peril.
It’s strange how time flies fast. I can still remember being a girl playing with her barbie dolls while dreaming about her fairy tale wedding. The barbie dolls are nowhere to be found now, and I am pretty sure that the wedding will just remain a dream. What I had was a fiesta — heck! my husband even spent our wedding night drinking with his buddies rather than getting himself re-acquainted with my wonderland.
I find it ironic that I am pouring everything here on friendster — the frequent cause of my squabbles with my husband. You probably think I am petty for frequently picking a fight with my husband just because he spends a lot of time online. Well, I won’t argue with you. Picking a fight over something as trivial as putting only one girl on one’s featured friends’ list may seem unreasonable and even silly, but it still find it unsettling to be married to someone who could spend all day and night talking about his exes and female friends, but who’s always tired or busy whenever his wife is having another bout of verbal diarrhea coupled with self-pity.
I remember reading an article on FHM about being married to a porn addict. It got me thinking. What is worse — surfing porn sites or spending hours looking up other girls on the net? A part of me is saying that it’s just natural and harmless for men to look at other girls. But another part of me is screaming that there is something wrong with someone who would rather build superficial bonds of friendships with his or her thousands of “friendsters” than strengthen his or her bond with those close to him or her.
Posted in Uncategorized | | |
on December 18th, 2009 at 7:09 pm
You know, most of what yoo’ve written here abt what happened to ur marriage seem to resonate well with what’s inside me nowadays. BUT with me, I just found out my ex was living a double life abroad after years of ignoring me but not letting me go, i found out he was living a full blown porn/sex-addict’s life. Sometimes we tend to blame it on just machismo that men do this but if we know a bit further abt the stuff, there is really such a thing as sex and porn addiction.
“But another part of me is screaming that there is something wrong with someone who would rather build superficial bonds of friendships with his or her thousands of “friendsters” than strengthen his or her bond with those close to him or her.”
Trust your heart that what u said there is true. There is a sense of shallowness in people like that and in a lot of ways be thankful enough that you and ur daughter will be far from what could have been more heartaches. It is a values question. As Oprah says view another’s rejection as God’s protection.
I am going through depression as well. I went through the being-kept-to-be-ignored situation with my ex. While I still cry sometimes, I think it’s better that I found out than not at all as it has made me understand why I am left and why I am leaving too.
http://www.npsupport.net has helped me so much through it all.
I was sitting in a swing under a tree with the sea to my back the other week. After a rollercoaster year with the breaking of my marriage, I felt so at peace. And it made me realize even for that moment of peace, the pain’s worth it. I know had it not been for what happened to my marriage, i would still be in a rut, living my rollercoaster life and begging my husband to come home. I was always waiting for him to enjoy nice things with me.
Someone sent this to me the other day:
Letting go of your past means accepting that there’s nothing you can do to change the past. You did the best you could. When you’re facing your failures, know that you were as good, loving, and effective as you could have been. If you were to go back, you couldn’t do anything differently because that’s who you were and that’s what you knew then. It’s done. Let go of your past.