Recent update
- A Survey to start the year!
- Survey Says
- Unwelcome Remark
- Walang Magawa
- A Cataclysmic Assignment
- Birthday Musings
- Disconnected
- Jamimi
- Letters
- Surreal Conversation with a 21st Century Sage
Surreal Conversation with a 21st Century Sage
June 12th, 2005 by dimapakali
Below is the transcript of a conversation I had with Principessa Selena, a 24 year old homosexual who is trying his damnest to look like a metrosexual:
Q: Good afternoon, sir. How do you want me to address you?
A: You can call me Principessa Selena. I’ve always wanted to become a European princess. Unfortunately, the cosmos messed up that’s why I ended up being a rag princess trapped in a total toad’s body.
Q: Well, Principessa Selena, what do you think of the proliferation of the metrosexuals in the city?
A: Personally, I think they are just muddling the gay pscyhe. Before I could tell if someone is straight or not just by looking at his fashion sense, but now I would have to subject someone to an acid test first before I could be really sure.
Q: An acid test? What’s that?
A: Well, it’s a series of questions and tasks that you give to a guy with a questionable sexual orientation. It’s not exactly foolproof but it has been known to sniff out even the most suppressed gays in the closet.
Q: That’s interesting. Can you tell me some of the questions or tasks?
A: Well, you could ask the guy in question who does he think look better Brad Pitt or Clive Owen. If he answers Brad, then he is probably gay. If he answers Clive, then he is surely gay. (hahaha)
Q: But that seems like a trick question…
A: It is. But you have to realize, sweetie, that closet cases are very smart and guarded so you would have to take them by surprise to get to them… A straight guy would surely answer "Who the f*?^ is Clive Owen?".
Q: Oh… Well, Principessa Selena, what is the last film that you’ve seen that really made an impact on you?
A: The Schindler’s List. I watched it last night and the atrocities that men are capable of just shook my entire being. I just don’t get it. What do these people have against the Jews anyway? Why them? Why not the Chinese?
Q: (stifled laughter) What? What do you have against the Chinese?
A: Well, nothing really. I was just trying to make a point. Although now that you mentioned it, have you ever met a Chinese homosexual? I think they are the most repressed race in the world and I pity them for it. A repressed life is no life at all. It is just a poor substitute.
Q: Are you telling me that you don’t have any repression whatsoever?
A: Hmmm, I wouldn’t be completely honest if i tell you that I don’t. I do but I try to keep it at the minimum… Every one has his or her own repressions. There’s nothing wrong with that. But what is wrong is if one is gonna allow these repressions to have a leash on one’s life.
Q: What can you advise those who are still trying to figure out who they are then?
A: Be true, be yourself. I know it’s cliche but it’s true. There is no way one could be truly happy leading a life filled with lies and pretenses. For these lies and pretenses would eventually backfire on you…
Q: Do you consider yourself an enlightened person?
A: No. It would be totally presumptuous and self-righteous of me if I do. I just consider myself mature.
Q: What makes you say that you are mature then?
A: The answer is pretty simple actually. If you find yourself attracted to an ugly person, then you are… It means that you are no longer stuck in high school wherein people are judged by the way they looked. It means that you have come to the place wherein you are able to catch glimpses of the soul of different people and you find that extremely enchanting…
Q: Are you saying that you are attracted to someone right now?
A: (sheepish smile) I am mature, ain’t I?
Q: What are your plans for the future then?
A: I plan to go to law school.
Q: Why?
A: Well, I had a dream one night and God whispered to me that that’s the place where I could finally get laid (evil laughter in the background)…
Q: Are you serious?
A: I am. I guess I am just sick and tired of law students saying that they want to help the poor and the oppressed. Get out of here!!! Most guys go to law school because they think that it’s a surefire way of getting fame, money and prestige. Most girls go to law school so that they would meet guys who would probably be holding the country’s purse in the future… As for my kind, we go to law school because we can!!!
And yeah, I almost forgot, we go there to promote world peace too. :p
Posted in Uncategorized | | |
on September 9th, 2005 at 2:18 am
To world peace it is.
on November 10th, 2008 at 12:29 am
nice.